Sunday, November 28

There is a romantic market value and the differences are great


There’s a reason Leonardo DiCaprio finds his new girlfriend on the Victoria’s Secret catwalk and not in an animal welfare organization, writes psychologist Marius Stavang.

The fact that we have different market values ​​in sex and love is probably one side of the brutality of nature.

Debate
This is a discussion post. Opinions in the text are the responsibility of the writer.

Recently, there has been a discussion about whether men and women vary in “market value” in the dating market. Upon Dagsnytt 18 Editor Nina Strand stated that “the market mentality as a metaphor is out of date for human relationships.” Unfortunately, studies of the dating market point in the opposite direction.

Tinders Gini coefficient

The support for us, which varies in market value, comes from examining the differences in the amount of “likes” singles get when dating online. To calculate it, the “Gini coefficient” has been used. Gini is expressed as a number from 0 to 1 and is generally used to say something about the economic differences of countries. The closer to 1, the greater the differences. In dating apps, 0 equals everyone likes the same thing, while 1 means no one likes it except one very lucky person.

International calculations shows that the Gini coefficient for women is approx. 0.32. This is similar to a western country where some are rich, most are middle class, and some are poor. For men, the Gini coefficient is 0.54, which corresponds to the economic inequalities of the poorest countries in the world. Translated to Tinder, this means that some men get almost all “hits” while most get some.

Monogamy saves us

Let’s make it more concrete. Most men report having seven sexual partners, while some report never having sex. What if we went from Ola Normann to the place in the world where we could find those with the highest sexual value on the market?

In Hollywood, there are examples of men reporting having more than 10,000 sexual partners. Whether this is real or represents a new male bragging record, I don’t know, but it illustrates that people have a very different sex market value.

Fortunately, monogamy saves us from the fact that a few at the top get a romantic monopoly. Norwegian women would rather marry Ola than be one of George Clooney’s 1000, and George wants to marry too.

Fortunately, monogamy saves us from the fact that a few at the top get a romantic monopoly.

Painful rejection and wasted time

When people are matched one by one, the market value often follows a “zipper pattern.” Most people find a partner that they are in line with, slightly above or below their own market value. Like a zipper that is pulled up.

Adjusting your own market value is important for both men and women. Studies show that both sexes tend to seek a partner 20 percent above self-attraction level. This can lead to painful rejection and a waste of time chasing someone out of reach.

It is probably difficult for both men and women to adjust their own market value. Men tend to overestimate how romantically interested women are in them. After sniffing enough times, she learns that what she thought was violent flirting was probably politeness. Then adjust your expectations to who you can get.

Adjusting your own market value is important for both men and women

Misleading signs

Women overestimate enough to start with many men’s interest in a relationship. And this is not surprising, because men send misleading signals that she can get him as a girlfriend, even if he is really interested in casual sex. Eventually, she realizes that her Tinder cutest won’t be engaged, and then adjusts her expectations too.

Women overestimate enough to start with many men’s interest in a relationship.

Adjusting your market value is not about presenting expectations of being met with kindness, respect, and security. It’s probably about adjusting expectations for attraction, which is probably the most competitive property in the dating market. This is supported by the fact that the popularity of online dating is primarily determined by appearance and photogenicity. It is in attraction that we offer different market values.

There’s a reason Leonardo DiCaprio finds his new girlfriend on the Victoria’s Secret runway and not at an animal welfare organization. You don’t use your market value to find “nice”, you use it to find “sexy.”

The fact that we have different market values ​​in sex and love is probably one side of the brutality of nature. This is probably one of the biggest and most unjust differences that exist and which, sadly, is the most difficult to combat.


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