Saturday, December 4

As a woman and a psychologist, I find Kjøs and Thuen’s advice provocative


  • Elisabeth Hermstad Reinertsen
    Elisabeth Hermstad Reinertsen

    Psychologist

Psychologists Frode Thuen (left) and Peder Kjøs gave advice to a woman struggling to find a partner in adulthood.

The message is not only primitive and staggering, but directly detrimental to self-esteem. Especially when it comes to psychologists.

Debate
This is a discussion post. Opinions in the text are the responsibility of the writer.

The debate continues to rage after psychologists Frode Thuen and Peder Kjøs gave advice to a woman who is struggling to find a partner in adulthood (Aftenposten, October 24). Psychologists talk about how the market value of women and erotic capital change and decline with age.

Thuen believes that there are two main limitations that make it difficult to find someone: “One is that you do not have such a high market value and the other is that you have high expectations or requirements.” The advice that women receive from psychologists is, therefore, among other things, “adjust the assessment of self-worth.” As a woman and a psychologist, I find this provocative.

Problematic

Kjøs and Thuen have faced opposition after the move, and subsequently defended themselves by saying this is the number: that men want young and capable partners and therefore older women are less attractive.

The statements recall how people in high school ranked people from 1 to 10. It’s like saying that a woman has gone from an eight to a six on the scale because she has become older and less fertile.

This message is not only primitive and amazing, but directly detrimental to self-esteem. Especially when it comes to psychologists.

We are a professional group from which people seek advice and help. It is also this role that is understood in the light of psychologists in the public space.

It is therefore problematic when psychologists use research from another field to advise people in one of the most basic and complex areas of life.

The statements recall how people in upper secondary school ranked people from 1 to 10

Disk boom

It may be true that as a woman you receive less attention when you reach a certain age, and that the same does not apply to the same extent to men. But is it relevant in the search for love?

High market value doesn’t necessarily make it easy to find someone you both fall in love with and manage to live with. A “transaction” approach, where one enters with different capital and seeks to optimize the dividend, appears as a cynical and theoretical approach to one of life’s most existential questions.

It is essential to work with a single partner, not for many to consider it relevant.

If there is one thing we know about the therapy room, it is that relationships can be difficult, especially close ones.

It takes a lot to live near someone; to demonstrate vulnerability, be assertive, support, endure and hold on to something common and enjoyable in a hectic everyday life.

Talking about the number of potential partners you have access to appears in this context like a disco boom. It is essential to work with a partner, not for many to consider it relevant.

Discriminatory against women

Kjøs and Thuen, of course, also give good advice, but the impression that remains is that older women of a certain age cannot expect to be considered couples if the man can find a younger one. It is difficult not to associate this with discriminatory attitudes both by age and by women.

The last thing people need in the search for love is a weakened self-esteem because male psychologists tell them that they are less attractive.


www.aftenposten.no

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *