Saturday, May 21

Why does she always find fault with new partners? Are you afraid of being rejected, then you would rather reject yourself, Frode Thuen asks.

She is struggling to find a partner. Is she too lax with the requirements?

Dating is a hot topic at the moment and something I have put a lot of effort into. I’m in my early fifties. Since I got divorced about ten years ago, I have made various attempts to get in touch with men via dating sites. I have met several nice men. Some meetings turned into short-term relationships, a few into something long-lasting. However, it has never worked out properly, so I am still part of the singles statistics.

I struggle with choosing a partner. I have been sucked many times, but the times where the chemistry has been there, it has come to an end because I have become preoccupied with a negative trait on the other and have not been able to put the thought of it away. I have entered a round dance of thoughts and automatic thoughts. It’s all about comparing the candidate with other people around me, and this thought process has driven me straight into a depressive mode.

The problem has been addressed in therapy, and I have talked to many people about this and not met anyone with similar reaction and thought patterns. So it is both a sorrow and a riddle. Why am I bothered by this thought process? Is it the body’s way of telling me that I’m on a wild goose chase in choosing a partner? I want a partner, and at times the longing has been great. This may have led me to try to have a relationship with a man where the chemistry has been good, while otherwise I have not been particularly attracted.

Read Frode Thuen’s answer further down:

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